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And Now, A Word from Melinda…

with 5 comments

Thursday, I went to lunch with three of my co-workers…a fun bunch, but none of us too wild-and-wooly, just weary from an intense work week. The restaurant had a nice interior, kinda jazzy, and the food was good, but the service was slow, and it was a bit pricey for lunch. I did have something I’d never had before—a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was great!!

Anyway, when we walked in, the thing that happens with all new restaurants happened…the waiter was overzealous.

He greeted us a little TOO cheerily and chatted us up as if we were all old buddies. He said that his name was Vladimir, and that he would be back shortly to get our names.

What?! Why do you need my name to serve me?! (It made me think of having to give my zip code to buy a bag of dog treats, but at least I understand that that is for marketing purposes.)

So, being in the silly mood that I was in, I decided that it was time for me to do what I’ve always wanted to do, pretend to be someone else.

When the waiter got back, he started with a co-worker, taking our orders and asking each one’s name. When he got to me, while doing my best to keep a straight face, when he asked my name, I answerer “Melinda.” Now why Melinda was what came to my mind, don’t ask. I have no idea. So my co-workers were holding their heads down and stifling laughs as he, again, overzealously, called me Melinda at least three times in that ordering interchange.

I’m sure it’s some new psychological technique going around the food service industry to make us want to tip our waiters more if we feel like they really KNOW us, but personally, I just think it’s stupid. Melinda thinks it’s stupid too, so she continued the charade, calling him Vladimir every time he called her Melinda.

When he left to turn in the order, Brian (one of my co-workers) said, “How are you going to sign your name for your card?” It hadn’t dawned on me that I would need to do that, and I didn’t want to sign the wrong name, nor for him to see my real name. I quickly checked to see if I had enough cash, and I did not. But then I remembered that I had an American Express gift certificate that I’d gotten from work for Christmas. Problem solved.

When we were done and he brought back our cards, even though mine was a gift certificate, I still had to sign. So, in my prettiest handwriting, I signed Melinda J. Farquar. Again, where that last name came from, I don’t know. But it felt like a tidy ending flourish. 🙂

So, who’s had a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich before?

Oh, and apparently, a good trick is to mix the PB&J before you put them on the bread. It seems to be basically the same as a grilled cheese sandwich, just with PB&J instead. Yum!

Written by blogicalinks

March 1, 2008 at 9:19 am

Posted in Whatever

5 Responses

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  1. During Freshman orientation at Georgia Tech, we learned the legend of one George P. Burdell. That’s usually my fake name of choice. The hardest part is usually getting your friends to keep their faces straight!


    March 2, 2008 at 9:52 am

  2. I used to travel on the greyhound bus quite a bit back in college.


    March 2, 2008 at 11:45 am

  3. Ha! That was NOT the comment i meant to leave 😉 You can thank a 14 month old’s stray hand for that one! Anyway, to keep that from sounding so terribly random and useless, here’s the rest of the comment…

    I used to travel on the greyhound bus quite a bit back in college. As a young girl on a bus full of quite a few unsavory types, it’s best to keep a low profile. I know there were several incidents where i came up with aliases and back stories that were completely false. It was a self preservation move though, not purely comedic, but don’t think i didn’t have some fun at the expense of others. My only alias i recall was “Leslie”…funny since it’s a name i don’t even like at all and probably doesn’t fit me in the least but that’s the name that hit me.


    March 2, 2008 at 11:49 am

  4. Too funny Melinda! Now we get to call you that. Or is that only reserved for your sex nugget? I want to hear all about this alter ego of yours!

    Do you ever get that feeling when you go to a restaurant that the wait person is talking in a fake accent and giving you a fake name like Jacque? It feels so condescending like my burrito suddenly became more authentic when I’m called Senorita.


    March 3, 2008 at 1:04 pm

  5. Donna, I am cracking up at your comment!!!!! 🙂

    And I LOVE grilled PBJ’s. I grew up on them!


    March 5, 2008 at 6:14 pm

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