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Well, at least WE are excited…

with 6 comments

Okay, I admit, perhaps we’re playing into a stereotype, and I guess there’s usually a reason stereotypes exist, but J. and I are planning to move in together!!!

Is that too fast? Depends on your perspective, I suppose. Is three months long enough to get to know someone enough to know that you want to live with them? Six months? One year? I don’t know. I do know that I’ve been getting to know J. for almost three months, and like I said in an earlier post, I cared about her from very early on, enough that I would be comfortable living with her even if she was just a roommate sharing expenses. It’s only been in the last several days that I feel like I want to be with her in a more permanent, personal way.

Some friends who know about this decision have said “Good for you,” and some friends have expressed concern about the “quickness” of this decision. I’ve come to the conclusion that since no one knows what the future holds, it’s all a crap shoot anyway. My parents told me just last week about the ending of the 40+ year marriage of my hometown dentist. Are people saying to them, “See, I knew it wouldn’t last!”? A former supervisor in B’ham married her (now) husband after knowing him for one month. They’ve been together for more than 20 years. And she told me that people told her she was crazy. She started to believe them and almost backed out, but fortunately didn’t.

Point is, I know every friend who’s expressed concern is just wanting the best for us. I appreciate their honesty, and I welcome their points of view. They’ve seen both of us in pain from failed relationships and don’t want us to go through that again. Is that what we’re headed for? I don’t know. I waited nine months before I moved in with S.H. and it still didn’t work. Of course it’s advisable to get to know someone as much as possible before making big decisions, but I think the success of a relationship really depends more on the comfort level you feel with one another, and the commitment to communicate and work things out. You could know someone for a year or two, and if they aren’t a good communicator about their wants and needs, do you really know them at all? And conversely, you could know someone for a month and if they are a good communicator, perhaps you know as much important things about them as you’ll ever need to know.

Maybe when two women get together, the emotional factor is doubled in the decision-making process, but that doesn’t automatically spell doom to the relationship. I think it has the potential to offer twice the reward. That’s the positive spin I choose to put on it and believe in.

J. is really the one who will be driving the time factor. I’ve been the one doing the asking. I have the house. She’s in an apartment. She’s assuming more risk than I, and so she gets to move at her pace. All I know is that she said “Yes.” (Finally! 🙂


Written by blogicalinks

January 1, 2008 at 7:12 pm

Posted in Sharing

6 Responses

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  1. The simple fact that you’ve given this much thought to this step in your relationship should be enough to tell you it’s a good thing. You have obviously asked yourself all of these questions already, and I assume answered all of them as well (at least as well as you can). And I hardly doubt you’ve done this in a vacuum.

    At the risk of sounding unemotional, neither of you is making a financial or legal commitment at this point that can’t be undone (should all of your thoughts and conversations up to this point for some reason prove wrong). I think the rewards will far outweigh the risks, and both of you will create and share some amazing memories.

    So I say, “Damn the torpedoes! Full steam ahead!”


    January 1, 2008 at 7:22 pm

  2. Awwww. How cute. 🙂 Not that I can really tell from your blog post but you sound pretty gitty or at least pretty happy!


    January 1, 2008 at 8:45 pm

  3. I am very excited for your both as you both seem very compatible! I admire your courage to overcome past hurts and pains and launch yourselves into a new beginning:) The challenge I see for myself if I were to move in suddenly with someone is continuing the courting phase. Courting is my favorite part. It’s that part where you actually ask each other out on a date, instead of expect it, and pick out and throw on that smelly stuff you think the other will find sexy. You go to the movies and insist the other chooses even if it’s SAW V because you’re just happy when they are happy. You glance over in the bloodiest scene and see how much fun they are having and find yourself smiling. You still think it’s endearing when they leave the cap off the toothpaste. You see goodness in the other that fully exists as well as the potential and your are excited to support who they are now and who they become.

    All of that being said, I think that challenge exists after 2 months or 20 years, to keep the relationship fresh and exciting, to not take each other for granted, and to pay attention now as to why you love the other so you can remember it later when you wake up and go “Who is this person anyway?”.

    If anyone can do it, you both can, and wish you all the best in your new found love!


    January 2, 2008 at 10:44 am

  4. I’ll see if I can find you a coupon for Lez-Haul-It


    January 2, 2008 at 4:30 pm

  5. I think the event is great and the person is great – but think it’s too early. Yup, I’m a master at projecting, and I’ve got a LOT of baggage to project, but slower never got in the way of making it better.

    Hope you don’t hold this against me, but based on BOTH of your recent experiences I wish these very fine people would take a few more months to ensure the best of a new beginning.

    Ru's Mom

    January 2, 2008 at 7:33 pm

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